Pat's Hood Training by Priest
It was a normal and average day in Equestria. Somewhere deep within Canterlot, Princess Celestia was on the tips of her hooves, crossing her sister’s room. In her magical grasp, was two large cymbals. Luna was snoring gently, curled into a little pony ball on her regal bed.
This is not a story about them.
This story takes place in ‘Lanta, Georgia.
Deep in a neighborhood that was neither objectionable but not necessarily the pride of suburbia, was a normal house, filled with two very abnormal individuals. One, was a magical speaking ponu. The other, was a borderline obese black man.
The sun was already high in the sky. According to the clock on the wall, Octavia saw it was 1PM. Her eyes continued to peruse the book that she had gotten the previous day. For any other pony, the fear of being perpetually trapped in a place such as Earth could simply be enough to snap, or to regress to that of a common foal. But Octavia was a mare of class and intellect. She pursued this latest piece of intellectual fiction. On one hand, she was frustrated that the books that her friend would bring to her were filled with pictures as if she were some common mare. On the other, she needed to understand why Shinji wouldn’t “get in the fucking robot.”
WIth a stirr and creak of floorboards, she heard that her roommate was up.
“Oi, Pat-kun!” Octavia called up to her roommate in his native dialect, “We’re out of tea. Can you get some today?”
The rather large man, who lumbered down the stairs, couldn’t help but smile at his roommate. Already in his mind, three options seemed to appear in front of him as if he was playing some sort of dating sim that he replayed several times before (because if he paid $40 for the game, the least he was going to do was find all the sex scenes).
“Maybe. I’m still a little short on cash till next week.”
“Well, Pat-kun,” she said, her voice terse. “We’re already out of Dominoes $5 large one topping coupons and a mare cannot live on Popeyes Spicy Classic Sandwiches alone.”
He kicked aside several cans of Mule Monster Energy Cans and Game Fuel bottles as he made his way into his living room.
“I dunno,” he sighed. “Today -is- my day off. I was kind of thinking we could play Yugioh and watch Shakugan No Shana on Crunchyroll.”
“Well first, Pat. -”
Octavia stopped and sighed.
“Sorry, Oni-chan.” Pat smiled to himself. This was how he told her that humans show their frustrations. In reality, she thinks Oni-Chan means ‘good friend that I am upset with.’ “I just need my caffeine fix. And you know how Monster Energy leaves me too jittery to properly practice that Cello.”
That Cello was also a toy violin, but luckily for her, she’s so small she never really noticed. After all, when she stood, her mouth was pretty much right at dick height. Of course, if you asked him why he knew that, he would likely shrug his shoulders.
Pat sighed the long sigh of his waifu not quite being exactly everything he dreamed when she randomly appeared during an intense fap session.
“I don’t really want to leave. Outside is to be avoided at all cost.”
“Well I could go,” Octavia said.
A silence filled the air. Pat waited he read about conditioning in a doujin where a magical girl named Pavlovia fucked 3 dogs.
“Uwu” Octavia completed.
“Of course you can’t go!” Pat exclaimed. “That’s the hood out there! You will never survive.”
“Of course I will!” Octavia said sternly. “I’ve been practicing my ‘Ara Ara~’s and of course the classic ‘Brrrrap!”
“No, Octavia. You aren’t hood enough.”
“Then teach me! How do Ibe hood, Pat-kun?”
‘Shit.’ Pat thought to himself. ‘I don’t know anything about being hood. But I can’t let her know that. I’ll lose all my street cred!’
“Alright. Step one.” He paused. “If you’re going to go into the hood, you need to wear a hood.”
“Well, where will I get a hood, then?”
“Go get one of my hoodies upstairs.”
Octavia dashed upstairs, and soon returned wearing a rather large hoodie, with her front hooves not fully exiting the exceptionally large arms, and the ends of the sleeves dragging on the floor behind her.
“Okay, Now what? Uwu”
Pat felt a small pang in his chest. And his pants.
“N-now, you need to wear socks. Go get two socks from my room and put them on your back hooves.”
Octavia raised an eyebrow, but nevertheless returned upstairs. As she returned, she lifted and walked carefully on her back hooves.
“These were by your computer. Why are they so crusty?”
Pat felt like he was having the sexy version of a heart attack. Her walking all over in his cum socks raised a strange feeling in him. It wasn’t the only thing he wanted her to step on.
“Now, you need to say the N-word.”
“Nutritional?”
“No, the other one.”
“Naruto.”
“NIGGA!” Pat exclaimed. “You gotta say nigga.”
Octavia blinked.
“Isn’t that a bad word?”
No! It’s like… It’s like Oni! You say it to people you like. But you also say it to people you don’t like. But like, with more anger.
Octavia nodded, drinking in the details like Pat drinks grape drank.
“So, then...” Octavia cleared her throat.” ‘Teach me about my body, Nigga-chan!’ would be the right way to say “Welcome home, friend,” in Equestria.
Pat blinked, feeling as if his pants were about to burst.
“You know what? You got it. I’mma go get you some tea.”
Octavia smiled as Pat rose from his seat, visibly pitching a tent that ran down half the length of his leg.
“Thanks Pat. You’re such a good friend.”
It was at that very moment, he realized that for all of his fried chicken and sweet tea, his waifu would never love him. Pat felt a portion of his soul escape from his body, singing quietly as it drifted away:
“I used to wonder what friendship could be. Then my waifu started living with me.”
-Bad End
Would you like to load your last save?
Yes / No
This is not a story about them.
This story takes place in ‘Lanta, Georgia.
Deep in a neighborhood that was neither objectionable but not necessarily the pride of suburbia, was a normal house, filled with two very abnormal individuals. One, was a magical speaking ponu. The other, was a borderline obese black man.
The sun was already high in the sky. According to the clock on the wall, Octavia saw it was 1PM. Her eyes continued to peruse the book that she had gotten the previous day. For any other pony, the fear of being perpetually trapped in a place such as Earth could simply be enough to snap, or to regress to that of a common foal. But Octavia was a mare of class and intellect. She pursued this latest piece of intellectual fiction. On one hand, she was frustrated that the books that her friend would bring to her were filled with pictures as if she were some common mare. On the other, she needed to understand why Shinji wouldn’t “get in the fucking robot.”
WIth a stirr and creak of floorboards, she heard that her roommate was up.
“Oi, Pat-kun!” Octavia called up to her roommate in his native dialect, “We’re out of tea. Can you get some today?”
The rather large man, who lumbered down the stairs, couldn’t help but smile at his roommate. Already in his mind, three options seemed to appear in front of him as if he was playing some sort of dating sim that he replayed several times before (because if he paid $40 for the game, the least he was going to do was find all the sex scenes).
“Maybe. I’m still a little short on cash till next week.”
“Well, Pat-kun,” she said, her voice terse. “We’re already out of Dominoes $5 large one topping coupons and a mare cannot live on Popeyes Spicy Classic Sandwiches alone.”
He kicked aside several cans of Mule Monster Energy Cans and Game Fuel bottles as he made his way into his living room.
“I dunno,” he sighed. “Today -is- my day off. I was kind of thinking we could play Yugioh and watch Shakugan No Shana on Crunchyroll.”
“Well first, Pat. -”
Octavia stopped and sighed.
“Sorry, Oni-chan.” Pat smiled to himself. This was how he told her that humans show their frustrations. In reality, she thinks Oni-Chan means ‘good friend that I am upset with.’ “I just need my caffeine fix. And you know how Monster Energy leaves me too jittery to properly practice that Cello.”
That Cello was also a toy violin, but luckily for her, she’s so small she never really noticed. After all, when she stood, her mouth was pretty much right at dick height. Of course, if you asked him why he knew that, he would likely shrug his shoulders.
Pat sighed the long sigh of his waifu not quite being exactly everything he dreamed when she randomly appeared during an intense fap session.
“I don’t really want to leave. Outside is to be avoided at all cost.”
“Well I could go,” Octavia said.
A silence filled the air. Pat waited he read about conditioning in a doujin where a magical girl named Pavlovia fucked 3 dogs.
“Uwu” Octavia completed.
“Of course you can’t go!” Pat exclaimed. “That’s the hood out there! You will never survive.”
“Of course I will!” Octavia said sternly. “I’ve been practicing my ‘Ara Ara~’s and of course the classic ‘Brrrrap!”
“No, Octavia. You aren’t hood enough.”
“Then teach me! How do Ibe hood, Pat-kun?”
‘Shit.’ Pat thought to himself. ‘I don’t know anything about being hood. But I can’t let her know that. I’ll lose all my street cred!’
“Alright. Step one.” He paused. “If you’re going to go into the hood, you need to wear a hood.”
“Well, where will I get a hood, then?”
“Go get one of my hoodies upstairs.”
Octavia dashed upstairs, and soon returned wearing a rather large hoodie, with her front hooves not fully exiting the exceptionally large arms, and the ends of the sleeves dragging on the floor behind her.
“Okay, Now what? Uwu”
Pat felt a small pang in his chest. And his pants.
“N-now, you need to wear socks. Go get two socks from my room and put them on your back hooves.”
Octavia raised an eyebrow, but nevertheless returned upstairs. As she returned, she lifted and walked carefully on her back hooves.
“These were by your computer. Why are they so crusty?”
Pat felt like he was having the sexy version of a heart attack. Her walking all over in his cum socks raised a strange feeling in him. It wasn’t the only thing he wanted her to step on.
“Now, you need to say the N-word.”
“Nutritional?”
“No, the other one.”
“Naruto.”
“NIGGA!” Pat exclaimed. “You gotta say nigga.”
Octavia blinked.
“Isn’t that a bad word?”
No! It’s like… It’s like Oni! You say it to people you like. But you also say it to people you don’t like. But like, with more anger.
Octavia nodded, drinking in the details like Pat drinks grape drank.
“So, then...” Octavia cleared her throat.” ‘Teach me about my body, Nigga-chan!’ would be the right way to say “Welcome home, friend,” in Equestria.
Pat blinked, feeling as if his pants were about to burst.
“You know what? You got it. I’mma go get you some tea.”
Octavia smiled as Pat rose from his seat, visibly pitching a tent that ran down half the length of his leg.
“Thanks Pat. You’re such a good friend.”
It was at that very moment, he realized that for all of his fried chicken and sweet tea, his waifu would never love him. Pat felt a portion of his soul escape from his body, singing quietly as it drifted away:
“I used to wonder what friendship could be. Then my waifu started living with me.”
-Bad End
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